Saturday, December 6, 2008


Why do I continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over ???? Why does God continue to forgive me - guide me back to the right path and then off i go again on my own - into the wilderness??? There have been some big changes in this house - spiritually - and it has been and is going to be an amazing ride to follow this new path He is guiding us on. My husband is a new man and what an awesome man he is! You can see Jesus in his face, in his actions and reactions, in his words and in his life and it is truly incredible to see and experience - I can only imagine how my hubby feels on his side of these changes! But ME -I am still doing the same dumb things - not setting/following priorities, going off on project after project and ignoring the kids, the house and the relationship I have with my Lord Jesus Christ, feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my pity party. Why can't I stay on track - maybe because I am not making my relationship with the Lord my priority - which is what I say to myself over and over but I still keep jumping off into my own little world and getting caught up in all the things I think I am supposed to be doing! I am not supposed to be doing anything extra(other than homeschooling and now work) this year but it is sooooo hard to not offer to help so I am in it up to my eyeballs - AGAIN!!! I am doing painting projects for my christmas presents, my sisters christmas presents, gifts for the kids in the church play. I have been working 20 plus hours each week. I did some signs and a few other things to help CCS with the float in the christmas parade - does that seem like nothing to you???
The Lord has been showing me that I need to be focused in on my family right now - this is the season we are in- and I am struggling with letting go of the other "stuff" that I think I am doing for the good but I am really doing it for myself - for the praise, the feeling of accomplishment and for the satisfaction of helping others plus the fact that i REALLY have trouble saying NO!
I am slowly getting on board with His plan and maybe one of these days I will ride the train all the way to the station but for now I am jumping off and on and struggling but I know I will get through it - with a lot of prayer and blogging!!!! I am is late....gotta get some sleep....


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  2. I love you and I am with you in this struggle. Our family must be our number one ministry. Period. For most of us, that is a very hard concept to grasp. We run here and there, we spin out wheels and waste our energy on things and then give them the leftovers. May this be a year of serving up the main course to the ones God chose for us, the men who live under our roof. As we give Him and them our best, we realize the rest of the world is still spinning without us! When we get healthy and grounded as families, He will lead us to people we can minister to as a unit. Ministry becomes an enhancement to our families, not a distraction. It's a journey...I jump back on the train and travel with you, my friend.

  3. Oh, you must be talking about my life? I ask myself these questions everyday. Why do I do the things that I do and continually go back to them after I ask God to help me change my ways?

    I guess that's why it's called a daily walk with the Lord. I still struggle with those issues, but I try to focus on today and live it instead of worrying about tomorrow and what I'm going to mess up on. This really used to be a big big hang up of mine. Several years ago, well about 10, I spiraled into a horrible depression because of this. The devil found a crack that he could worm himself into and help me destroy my own self.


  4. This are my words too!I long for a closer relationship with the Lord. I desire to read and pray and feel His arms around me all the time. But I fail. Everything seems to take precedent. I realized that I CAN'T do it all. I know that I need to put Him first. classes at the college have come to an end for now...projects at church have become smaller (I felt guilty about not helping with the church float) I need to become more organized with my homeschooler, house and husband. The one thing that I do know is that HE won't leave me or forsake me. He will forgive me and welcome me back. Keep your chin up and remember that He is with you.
    Blessings and joy!